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basedheisenberg:

I uploaded my resume onto career-builder today, and while I was at work I got two emails that looked like job offers. I was excited the whole day.

I get home, and they both have the exact same computer generated format. “Unlimited growth potential and commission based” bullshit jobs selling life insurance for NYL, and selling knives for Vector.

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Source: basedheisenberg
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theneedledrop:

this could be us, but you playin’

theneedledrop:

this could be us, but you playin’

(via iwrotehaikusabouteatingyouout)

Source: 1jps
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rlmjob:

sometimes my friends are horrible about making plans and following through so I really connect with this girl using an ear of corn as a phone its basically the same thing

Source: rlmjob
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80s-90s-stuff:

80s cartoons - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

80s-90s-stuff:

80s cartoons - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

(via fatitalianbroad)

Source: 80s-90s-stuff
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bettydays:

I have a story.

So my sister got run over by a car once. It was a pretty big deal. Well like a year later she got into a little fender bender and was really bent out of shape about it, so I went and got her a cake. 

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When I put in my order for the cake, the guy at the bakery asked, “Do you want it to say anything?”

And with a perfectly straight face, I said, “‘Sorry you got hit by a car again.’”

He narrowed his eyes a moment, then nodded and wrote it down, and took it to kitchen to get the writing done.

All the way from the back of the kitchen, I hear a woman shout, “‘Again’?!”

(via cats-and-kief)

Source: toocooltobehipster
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"The world was fair, the mountains tall
In Elder Days before the fall…"

- J.R.R. Tolkien (via observando)
Source: observando
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